Dr Pamela Stephenson is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders. You would think that would mean she spends her time counseling men who like to fuck cheese and things of that nature but what Dr Stephenson actually does is write a weekly sex advice column in The Guardian where she spends most of her time trying to persuade women to lie back and think of England when they express feelings of not wanting to be fucked.
Today, a woman wrote to Dr Stephenson saying that after she has sex with a man, whether it’s a casual fling or a serious relationship, she feels disgust towards him. She states that these feelings “fade into the background” if she’s dating the man for a long time but they never fully go away. So this woman spends her relationships having sex with men who disgust her.
I’m not a sex therapist but I’ve been around the block a couple of times and my advice to this woman would be, “stop having sex with men.” The disgust you feel is legitimate. It’s perfectly ok to not want to have sex with men.
Dr Stephenson’s answer was a little different. Stephenson advises the woman that something has probably gone wrong along the way and that she may have “internalized feelings of disgust about sex.” She goes on to say that this woman needs to “[e]xamine [her] long-held beliefs and [her] targeted disgust, and spend time pondering where they may have come from.” Once she has identified the source of her disgust, she has to “work to rationalise and correct” it.
It looks to me like what Dr Stephenson is saying here is that it is not rational to be disgusted by sex with men and that this is a disorder that can be corrected. This suggests to me that she thinks women have a duty to be penis receptacles and that any resistance we might feel to this obligation is a problem we need to overcome.
When a woman wrote to ask Stephenson’s advice after being unable to orgasm through vaginal intercourse, she was told she may have nerve damage. She was not told that 3 out of 4 women do not achieve orgasm through penetration. She was not assured the the orgasms she was having during oral sex were legitimate and desirable. The problem was her. Her body must be defective. Or she’s not doing the sex properly and maybe a different position will help.
Another woman in wrote in saying that she had an “amazing” sex life with her boyfriend without PIV. They had attempted intercourse twice in the past but she had found it too painful to continue. What does Dr Stephenson think she should do? The very first thing she suggests is that the woman consult a gynecologist because there’s a non-specified ‘medical procedure’ that a woman can have that will make it easier for a man to penetrate her. I searched google for “treatment for pain during intercourse” and “medical procedure for intercourse pain” but nothing turned up anything that could be termed as a ‘medical procedure’ so I have no idea what Dr Stephenson had in mind. She then goes on to tell the woman how lucky she is to be having orgasms and not to be so intercourse-focused so her advice appears to be fairly inconsistent.
Another woman says her boyfriend has told her that her vagina is “repulsive” and that he can’t stand to look at it. Instead of advising her to ditch the scumbag, Stephenson tells the woman she should sit her boyfriend down like he’s a five year old child and read a book with him about “physical diversity” and help him to see that all vaginas are beautiful at the expense of her own feelings about her body.
Most of the letters Dr Stephenson receives from women go along the lines of, “My boyfriend wants to put his penis in me but I don’t want to/find it painful/don’t enjoy it/am too tired/have just had a baby/am post-menopause/etc. Is there something wrong with me?” The standard reply given out by the good doctor is, “Yes there is something wrong with you. Try wearing sexy underwear/getting an operation/letting him penetrate you in different positions/using a gallon of lubricant/giving him a blowjob instead.”
Pamela Stephenson is using her platform on the Guardian to advise women that being a penis receptacle is inevitable. If it hurts or if you just plain don’t like it then you have to fix that shit because how will you get a man? If your boyfriend tells you your vagina is so disgusting he doesn’t want to look at it (but still wants to stick his penis inside it) then you just have to sit him down and try to make him see that it’s actually a nice vagina. If you dump him, how will you get another man with that hideous vagina you’re sporting?
When women express disgust and revulsion at the idea of having sex with men, it doesn’t occur to Dr Stephenson to suggest they may not actually be heterosexual. Disgust and revulsion at the idea of sex with men is a Big Problem because then men might not get to put their penises inside women and that won’t do at all. The best thing women can do is interrogate their desires (sound familiar?) and rationalise and correct the absolutely abhorrent feeling that you don’t desire sex with men. Because that’s what you’re for.
If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you may have noticed that I’m a fan of analogies. I’m not always very good at them but as an illustrative tool, I find them useful and fun. I’m going to use one now.
Imagine you have someone who’s been a Libertarian for most of their life. One day, this person happens upon some people talking about Socialism in an online discussion forum. At first, the Libertarian doesn’t like the Socialists. He doesn’t understand them. This is a completely new idea that he’s never been exposed to before and is contrary to pretty much everything he’s ever been taught. ‘These Socialists must be mad!’ he thinks. But something compels the Libertarian to keep looking and, over time, he starts to see that the Socialists are making sense about a lot of things.
The Libertarian befriends some of the Socialists and starts to read some socialist theory. He likes a lot of it. He begins to notice an unfair distribution of wealth. He begins to understand how capitalism doesn’t encourage economic growth because it funnels all the world’s wealth to the top of the pyramid where it’s hoarded by a small handful of people and never put back into the economy. He thinks this is unfair and also very wrong.
The Libertarian doesn’t agree with all the socialist theory, however. He thinks it’s a bit extreme to take the position that all property is theft because he owns a nice house that he worked hard to pay for and he likes that a lot. He thinks it’s ok to critique the practice of owning property and acknowledges that owning property is oppressive but he thinks that under the right circumstances, it can be ok and we should never criticize the actual people who own property because that is wrong.
The Libertarian spends more time in Socialist discussion groups asking questions and trying to justify his simultaneously held beliefs that owning property is both oppressive and acceptable under the right circumstances. This naturally creates divisions within the Socialist community because the Socialists are continually having to restate their position and this is draining their time and energy.
So what the Libertarian does, is combine some of the parts of Socialism he likes and some of the parts of Libertarianism that he likes so that he can have a political philosophy he feels completely comfortable with. The only thing now is that the Libertarian is still calling his politics Socialism.
Very quickly after doing this, the Libertarian decides that the Socialists aren’t doing a very good job of Socializing. The Libertarian has big ideas. He wants to bring Socialism to the masses. Except it’s not really Socialism he’s pushing; it’s a watered-down, diluted version of Socialism with strands of Libertarianism in there.
The Libertarian sets up his own Socialist organization and calls it Socialism UK. He teams up with self-identified non-Socialists from countries outwith the UK, despite there being no lack of genuine UK Socialists, to discuss Socialist politics and begin to organize events under the banner of Socialism.
The situation here is pretty shitty for the Socialists. Not only do they have actual Socialist work to be doing, they have to expend further energy correcting the distorted version of Socialism that the Libertarian, along with his non-Socialist colleagues, are putting out there.
This is happens within all leftist political circles. Radical Feminism is not exempt.
Radical Feminism upholds that heterosexuality is a political tool used to exploit women’s reproductive labour and keep them subservient to men. If a Radical Feminist tells you, “Maybe some women are heterosexual,” she doesn’t understand Radical Feminism.
It’s perfectly legitimate within the realms of political discourse to police one’s terms. I’m pretty sure the Socialists in my analogy would be pissed off at Mr Libertarian, be adamant that he’s not a Socialist, and insist that only those who agreed with the core principles of Socialism identify themselves as Socialists. No one would give the Socialists a hard time for upholding their standards. When radical feminists try to police our terms, we are accused of trashing. This is probably because Socialists tend to be men and Radical Feminists are always women and women can’t open their mouths at all without someone telling them they’re not being nice enough.
Radical Feminist praxis does not involve discussing individual womens’ sex lives in public on the internet. It doesn’t involve representing Political Lesbianism as “lesbophobic” and being the gatekeeper of who is and isn’t a lesbian. It doesn’t really involve cava and nibbles and limited seating in a cramped bookstore in London. It’s not endlessly discussing ‘gender critical vs. gender identity‘ with men and referring to them as ‘she’.
Radical Feminism isn’t palatable. It’s not designed to make you feel comfortable. The truth is not comfortable.
A man named Regi Murphy from Lexington, Massachusetts has some very important things to say. He wrote almost 2,300 words as a comment on one of my posts and since it took him all that time and effort, I thought I would give him a guest spot on my blog so he can be seen by the masses. Here’s Regi:
I’m gonna need you to read this whole thing and read it well because this more than pisses me off and you need to stop spewing hateful bullshit before someone calls you on it for real.
You may literally be the most ignorant human being in the entire species if this is a completely serious article. Part of me feels terrible for even seeing that you exist because quite frankly something fucked you up pretty bad and that’s probably what led up to you writing this glorified hate mail and this male shaming exclusionist bullshit. So lemme break this down for you as gently as possible:
Seriously. All you’re doing in this whole article is
A) Shaming all men and generalizing the act of PIV sex simply because of your narrow and admittedly shitty experience with it
B) Literally being the biggest hypochondriac over something that people have known for years, and
C) Being the biggest hypocrite I didn’t even know could exist.
Let’s start with the fact that PIV intercourse is HOW ALL MAMMALS FUCKING BREED YOU PHILISTINE, it’s literally encoded into the deepest recesses of our DNA for both heterosexual men AND women to seek it out. Penises were MADE to be put in things while vaginas were MADE to have things go in and out of them, sorry but that’s basic biology and if you can’t understand that then please seclude yourself from the rest of humanity for a while we don’t need hateful dumbasses who preach this shit.
Let’s then acknowledge the fact that you casually throw around the word rape the way rednecks use racial slurs and hateful language. THAT IS NOT OK IN ANY WAY AT ALL. Rape is not to be taken lightly in EITHER direction. It’s a huge problem and when you associate even the most basic things with it it creates so much fear and hate within an activity that really brings people together and is the source of HUMAN LIFE YOU SELFISH ASSHOLE.
Also, you are weaponizing penises. Let’s just take that in for a second. YOU ARE ACTUALLY TURNING THE CHARACTERISTIC INBORN SEXUAL ORGAN OF THE ENTIRETY OF MALEDOM INTO SOMETHING IT’S NOT. You’re worse than the ignoramuses who over sexualize breasts and make it so that girls have to be ashamed of their bodies because you are literally trying to make men feel horrible for being born with something that they can’t help and that they are told to hide and keep away from people unless there is serious consent anyways. I mean FUCK YOU you’re actually making sure to lessen peoples’ comfort levels and healthy ideas about sex just because your dumb ass couldn’t figure out how to do what humanity and all of the fucking animal kingdom has been up to since penises and vaginas were a THING.
Next up, this is the part where I tell you that I am a biracial, gay, cisgendered male. So take what I say as you will, but let it be known that none of the above categories that I fit into detract from my argument when I say you are a cold, hateful, bitch. Most of my friends are straight males, and on the flip side most of my close friends are females, most of the intercourse I partake in is with men, and yet I have had PIV intercourse as well. I have been on the receiving end of a penis and on the giving end as well.
AND NOW I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE EXAGGERATION YOU PUT FORTH IS LAUGHABLE AT BEST. Yeah, it can hurt to have someone else’s hard flesh inside you, hell it can even hurt to put it into someone. And yeah, there’s risk to having something like that in you back and forth for a while. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? THERE’S ACTUALLY HIGHER RISK OF INJURY WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE RAM YOU UP THE ASS SO DON’T EVEN TRY TO BE A MARTYR WITH ME HONEY. And let me tell you. I STILL DO IT AND HAVE IT DONE.
And that isn’t because I’m satan, it isn’t because I just want a quick fuck or I need to bust a nut, and it isn’t because I see it as getting used or using someone for the benefit of some ejaculatory purpose. No. You know why I do it? Because it can be fun and beautiful and marvelous all in one. Yeah, sex has high risk with it, I’m sorry but that’s life, if you truly looked into the risk of any form of sexual gratification whether PIV or even masturbation, and then took to it the way you did the risk of PIV, you would sew your own vagina shut and never leave your home again. Trust me, especially in my case, I have a well above average penis in terms of size and length, and I understand the harm that that can do to someone who’s on the receiving end of it, and I take care to make sure I’m not harming my partner whether it be male or female. I also make sure there is consent and not just like “OMG I WANNA PLEASE DO IT WITH ME” no, they also want sex, it’s a two person action, and at least in most cases it involves two people being on the same fucking page about it, so I would like for you not to call it rape and call all men rapists because that’s not only a bitch move but is ignorant, over generalization, and quite frankly it’s stupid because you’re insulting half the fucking world in a way worse than any chauvinist dipshit I’ve ever met.
Pain during sex or after sex or even BEFORE ACTUAL ENTRY is all kinds of natural. Now some pain should be looked at and helped. But the thing is all animals experience it in normal quantities, go look it the fuck up, and you can try to tell me that animals don’t know any better and that they are mostly based around patriarchal blah blah blah shut the fuck up educate yourself and see that even the animals with matriarchal society (such as the common Hyena where even the highest ranking male is below the lowest ranking female) HAVE PIV INTERCOURSE AS A MEANS OF MAKING SURE THE SPECIES IS NOT ONLY CONTINUED BUT CONTINUED WELL AND EVEN THEN THEIR SEX IS BASED ON ATTRACTION AND CONSENT. I’M NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD BE DENIED THE RIGHT TO AVOID PAIN, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO AFRAID OF A RISK THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THE FUCKING FORTITUDE TO DEAL WITH THEN MAKE IT YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND DON’T GO AROUND HATING EVERY DUDE THAT WANTS TO HAVE SEX AND CALLING THEM RAPISTS HOLY SHIT.
Oh and something else, MEN ARE PROGRAMMED TO PUT THEIR DICKS INTO THINGS BUT DONT GO USING THE OUTLIERS LIKE MEN WHO FUCK ANIMALS AND CARS AND SHIT AS AN EXAMPLE BECAUSE THAT’S LIKE ME USING NAZIS AS A WAY TO DESCRIBE ALL GERMANS EVER AND THATS JUST NOT CORRECT YOU DIPSHIT. And what else is normal is that Vaginas were literally made for the entry of a penis, they have a natural system of lubing themselves up when women get horny for a fucking reason, which is not to say women were made for men nor men for women, just in general, and biologically/heterosexually speaking THEY WERE MADE FOR EACHOTHER.
OH BUT THERE’S MORE. You aren’t a feminist. You’re an awful human being. What you preach is not an equality of the sexes but rather a shaming of one to bring the other above it. That, my poor misguided fellow human, is the equivalent of the westboro baptist church using christianity to cover up the fact that they’re a bunch of blood sucking cunts who spew hate speech and do nothing but try to fuck everyone over with their dumbass doctrine. So you know what you can go join them and sit with the rest of th- OH WAIT NO YOU CANT BECAUSE AT LEAST THEY UNDERSTAND THE BASIC NORMALCY AND NECESSITY OF BREEDING DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE.
Then let’s culture you on straight men. Again, most of my friends fall under that category, and maybe it’s because I surround myself with good men, but you know what NONE OF THEM ARE FUCKING RAPISTS YOU BITCH HOLY DAMN. 99% of them aren’t out to just bust a quick nut with random women, and the ones that are don’t do everything and anything to do so, they just try to find women who would also like to get laid for a night and just have fun and move on I mean shit. I have a friend who was with a girl for 9 months and there was no form of penetration because he asked if she would ever see herself wanting to, she said no, and so he didn’t. THIS WAS A HORMONAL 17 YEAR OLD WHO HAD ONE OF THE STRONGEST SEX DRIVES I HAVE EVER SEEN AND HE HAD THE SELF CONTROL TO KEEP HIS DICK IN HIS PANTS FOR 9 MONTHS BECAUSE HE WAS OK WITH NOT FUCKING HER AND MASTURBATING ON HIS OWN. AND HE’S NOT THE ONLY GUY I KNOW TO DO THIS AND NOT RECEIVE SEX BY THE END OF IT SO YOU CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MEN BEING MINDLESS CREATURES WHO ONLY WANT SEX AND THAT SEX IS RAPE. (Oh I’m 20 btw and if you use that to try and discredit my argument then straight up you’re just an ageist bitch.)
SEX CAN ALSO BE AN ACT OF LOVE AND CONNECTION AND QUITE FRANKLY IT CAN BE AND IS EXTREMELY HEALTHY FOR YOU BECAUSE IT IS NOT ONLY INTENSE EXERCISE BUT IT HELPS STAVE OFF ALL SORTS OF DISEASE AND MENTAL ILLNESS AS LONG AS YOU KEEP IT SAFE AND WRAP IT UP WHEN YOU NEED TO OR TAKE THE PILL OR SOMETHING. Personally I use a condom every time unless I’m with a partner I’m sure is STD/STI free or who I know for a fact is on some form of birth control BUT NEITHER I NOR MY FRIENDS WOULD EVER FORCE THAT ON SOMEONE SO WE MAKE SURE TO HAVE PROTECTION ON US AND MAKE SURE ALL IS WELL.
AND NOW THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THIS ARTICLE:
YOU ARE TELLING WOMEN NOT TO EMBRACE THEIR OWN SEXUALITY, IN ESSENCE YOU ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE WORST OF THE PATRIARCHY DOES TO WOMEN. YOU LITERALLY ARE DOING WHAT FEMINISM TELLS YOU NOT TO DO TO WOMEN AND YOU ARE A WOMEN AS FAR AS I CAN TELL. SO YOU KNOW WHAT GO THE FUCK BACK TO SCHOOL AND READ A BOOK AND FIND SOMEONE FUN AND INTERESTING AND GO HAVE SEX WITH THEM IN A WONDERFUL AND HEALTHY WAY SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK THE ENTIRE WORLD IS ON ABOUT WHEN THEY GO AND HAVE SEX WITH PEOPLE OR AT LEAST MAKE FRIENDS WHO CAN EXPLAIN IT TO YOU IF YOU REALLY ARE THAT MUCH AGAINST THE IDEA OF INTERCOURSE IN ANY PENETRATIVE FORM.
EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR SEXUAL DESIRES YES THAT MEANS EVEN MEN CAN WANT TO FUCK SOMETHING AND YOU KNOW WHAT AS LONG AS ALL PARTIES INVOLVED ARE HAPPY AND ON THE SAME PAGE AND WITHIN THE LAW THEN THEY CAN DO AS THEY PLEASE AND THAT’S NOT ONLY THEIR BUSINESS BUT PERFECTLY OK AND CERTAINLY NOT RAPE.
Now I’m gonna lighten the blow of what I just threw at you with this.
I agree that women should have better sex education that is geared towards them, I wholeheartedly support a sex ed class or just sex ed in general that tells women not only how to achieve more pleasure and orgasm but the safer and healthier ways for them to avoid pain or the risk of pregnancy and all that. Quite frankly women have been receiving the short end of sex for quite a while and I think that they need to be at least equal with men in bed, I also think that men need to be taught in a lot of cases that sex isn’t just plug and hump and that you have to explore and have more fun and try all kinds of play and whatnot and that it isn’t just about PIV. Male contraception should also be explained and more sought after and thought about as well because in general it can actually be a lot easier to use and hell sometimes it’s a lot safer too.
But again, you’re a hateful piece of shit and I hope you understand that this fear mongering bullshit you’re spewing is nothing but cold bitchy words from someone who clearly doesn’t understand that males are needed in society just as much as women no matter what happens and that people should be not only comfortable with themselves but with other people because otherwise we’re all just gonna end up hating ourselves and others, you are a prime example of this in a concentrated form.
So FUCK OFF and have a nice day <3
P.S. I read the “things you should know before commenting” and the “things fans say” sections and from what I can deduce not only are those twitter comments perfectly correct but you’re also just an immature waste of flesh with no understanding of how it works when you post stupid and harmful prattle on a medium where anyone can respond and read. so again FUCK YOU AND I CAN’T BELIEVE ANY OF THESE POOR MISGUIDED SOULS AGREE WITH YOU COMPLETELY WHAT THE SHIT.
Just shut the fuck up.
That’s all you have to do.
Shut the fuck up. Keep your dick to yourself. And shut the fuck up.
I don’t know who came up with the acronym ‘TERF’. I’m not really inclined to trawl the internet in an attempt to find out but if anyone knows, please drop it in the comments (with yr citation) and I’ll edit the post accordingly.
TERF, for those of you who are not as hip and with it and down with the kids as I clearly am, means Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists. This is obviously a redundant term because firstly there is no such thing as a Trans Inclusive Radical Feminist and secondly tacking ‘Trans Exclusionary’ onto the front of ‘Radical Feminism’ is really just a clear-cut case of men trying to make everything in the world about them and their dicks.
Radical Feminism is one of the only things in the world that isn’t centred around men and what men want. Men can’t bear this to be the case but since they can’t physically police our thoughts, they decide they won’t let us call it Radical Feminism. They have to make it clear that ‘this is a feminism that does not believe me when I say my penis is female and I am the most oppressedest of all womankind.’ This makes it hard for Radical Feminists to physically meet together because every time we try, the men who say they’re women and the women who pretend to believe them, aggressively lobby to have us no-platformed. They rarely triumph in their efforts to keep us from meeting but they do manage to turn the conversation back around to them and their dicks very successfully.
Radical feminists view women’s oppression as rooted in sex, not performance of a gender. That is: women are oppressed because men exploit our means of reproduction and not because we look like women or act like women.Radical feminists reject the idea that gender is a feeling inside you that tells you if you’re a man or a woman. Instead, we view gender as a tool the patriarchy uses to keep women subjugated. Women are kept inhibited and debilitated due to the trappings of femininity and if they decide to forego this in any way, they are accused of attempting to emulate men and harshly condemned and various attempts will be made to bring her back into line.
Radical feminists uphold women-only space to be vital for a number of reasons. One of those reasons is to give women a chance to heal from the violence that is done to them by men. It was radical feminists who set up women-only rape crisis centres in the 1970s and helped to introduce laws which outlawed raping your wife.
But forty plus years of tireless writing, campaigning, talking, legislating, educating, fighting and winning, all while under relentless attack from men who can’t bear it when women tell the truth, all that can be erased and reduced down to a single four letter acronym which is synonymous with “bigot” and spat with venom.
TERF is a word that is predominantly used against women. I have seen one or two men be called TERFs but men are more likely to be called TERF tokens or something similar. Of the women TERF is used against, many are lesbians. Recently on Twitter, I was informed by a young, white, heterosexual, clean-livin’, Christian, LGBT ally lady, that TERF is not a slur. I can’t remember if the word she used was ‘descriptor’ or ‘definition’ but it was one of those. Definitely not a slur, she says. This girl didn’t even know what a woman was so I’m pretty confident that she also has no idea what a radical feminist is. She’s just heard somewhere, probably from a guy in a dress, that there are feminists who think trans women are men oh my god what even and she can’t wrap her head around that because, like I talked about in my post yesterday, and as witchwind carefully describes here, she’s been so perfectly colonized, she doesn’t even know she’s colonized. She is so used to women having the power of naming ourselves taken from us that she doesn’t recognize it when it’s happening right in front of her. And she’s not unique.
Professional feminist Laurie Penny is liberal with her use of the term and like a good little trans ally, she knows all she has to to is link a Twitter user with the word TERF and her followers will SIGNAL BOOST THIS SHIT! and make sure that bigot gets collected.
TERF is a shorthand way of saying “this woman has feminisms that are not about my dick. Shun her and let’s keep focused on the real issue here: my dick.”
This speaks to the nurturing “instinct” that is ingrained in girls from the minute they open their eyes in the world. We are trained to love Dick, serve Dick, and consider Dick our Lord and Master. So when the men in the dresses turn it on with most women, it’s a sympathy response they elicit.
Those mean transphobic powerful feminists want to restrict my access to rape shelters because they think I’m a man!
I just want to pee and those TERF bigots say I have to use the men’s room where I might get attacked!
Those bigoted cis lesbians say they don’t want to have sex with me because they don’t like penis. How do they even know that if they haven’t seen my penis? My penis is a girl’s penis.
They also tend to make up lies and since the internet – and social media in particular – is like a giant game of Chinese Whispers and since no one bothers to ask for ‘receipts’ when it comes to TERF transgressions, these lies are widely propagated and accepted as fact. A common lie about TERFs is that they spend all their time harassing trans women on the internet and plotting their deaths. I think it’s likely that if trans women didn’t spend all their time parading their dicks around women’s private spaces, demanding we accept them as female, we wouldn’t pay them much attention at all.
TERF is just another example of women having the power of naming taken from them. If you move within progressive social justice circles, seeing the word TERF on a screen is supposed to instill you with righteous anger. You know exactly what you’re supposed to do. You either pile on the TERF (woman) in question, tell her she’s depraved, close-minded, bigoted, contributing to the deaths of millions of trans women everywhere, racist, ugly, conservative, hateful, a piece of shit, wrong, uneducated, a trans man in denial, fascist, or whatever else you feel like giving her or you direct yourself and your friends towards the Spam Block function because this insubordinate wench has no business thinking trans women are men on the internet. That is not ok. That literally kills people which is really really problematic.
You don’t have to be a Radical Feminist to be labelled a TERF either. Association with ‘known TERFs’ can be enough to land you this moniker. In fact Roseanne Barr is often cited as a famous TERF but Roseanne herself would admit she is not a Radical Feminist. The reality is that Roseanne is a Grandmother who shares the Radical Feminist belief that men shouldn’t be waving their dicks around women’s private spaces when they’re not wanted. Incidentally my own Grandmother shares this belief and so does every other Grandmother I know. Grandmothers are TERFs.
And there’s new ones now too. SWERF has been doing the rounds for a little while – that one means Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminists. This one is designed to make it look like Radical Feminists take some kind of puritanical approach to sex and think women who sell sexual services are not worthy of feminist attention. This is a complete reversal because Radical Feminists are primarily concerned with naming the perpetrator of violence within the sex industry and those are the pimps and the punters: the men who buy and sell women’s bodies.
BERF is another new one. This one is Bisexual Exclusionary Radical Feminist. This one seems designed to target lesbians specifically. A common thing that happens to lesbians online is that a woman in a relationship with a man will tell her that she’s a bigot for not accepting trans women as women. The lesbian will usually say something like, “Go away heterosexual lady, you have no business policing lesbian’s boundaries,” or maybe she’ll say something more angry or more eloquent depending on her mood, but the ‘heterosexual’ comment is often met with “OMG you are erasing my identity I am actually bisexual because of my feelings and I actually had a threesome one time with my boyfriend and my best friend and I actually licked her pussy and I didn’t puke and sometimes my boyfriend has a female shift and becomes my girlfriend so I am actually part of the LGBTQIA umbrella so fuck you and your cisnormativity and your monosexual privilege.” Or, you know, words to that effect.
There’s a few more but I’ve written a lot and I won’t get into them. They all have the same intent: to silence and incite hatred upon a group of women, mostly lesbians, who say no to Dick. We already have names for what we are. We’re lesbians. We’re radical feminists. We’re women. You can call us SWERFs and TERFs and BERFs and QuERFS and cis and monosexual and prudes and whatever new thing you come up with in a couple of months time, you can call us that too. Women are used to being called names by men. Women are used to other women calling them names on behalf of and at the behest of men. Billions of women all over the world know that trans women are actually men. Literally billions. Most of them do not live on the internet and don’t post endless selfies in between SIGNAL BOOSTING THIS SHIT and signing petitions to make lesbians stop saying words on the internet. Almost all of them have way bigger problems than words lesbians are saying on the internet. All of those women are TERFs.
All women are TERFs deep inside just like all women are sluts and all women are bitches. All women know that trans women are men, it’s just that some women are willing to pretend and some are so disconnected from themselves they don’t even know they’re pretending but we all know. And they know that we know and they can’t fucking stand it.
Not content merely to convince us that their penises are female and that heterosexual intercourse can be a lesbian activity, trans activists now consider casually musing on harvesting women’s vital organs on social media sites a worthwhile, activisty thing to do. Look.
Pretty creepy right? But it’s not entirely unexpected. This is a man who published his own personal information on the internet in order to implicate and incite hate upon a woman. A man who vows to ‘take down’ a donation-funded rape crisis centre because it doesn’t cater to men. There is literally no depth to men’s depravity and their willingness to treat women and their bodies like chunks of animal flesh is never really all that surprising. It’s still shocking, of course, but it’s not surprising. It’s been a long time since I’ve been surprised by men’s behaviour. I am, however, sometimes still surprised by women’s.
This young woman has been so colonized by third wave doublespeak that she has no concept of how important her own female organs are. She is prepared to take the risk of reduced orgasmic capacity, the potential for lifelong stabbing vaginal pain, the shifting of all the surrounding organs to fill in the missing space, and all for what? So a man can really truly feel like a woman? This isn’t all that different to the guy who goes raking around women’s rubbish bins to find used tampons to shove up his arse. These men want to literally consume us and they have willing volunteers in young women like Meredith. It’s not enough to have women be reproductive vessels any more. No, men want to remove women’s capacity for reproduction and install it in themselves. And women are instantly jumping on board and calling it choice.
Okay. I support your choice to wreck your body. If you want to remove a perfectly healthy kidney and throw it in the bin, then I support your right to do that. I also support my right to write on the internet that I think that’s a really fucking stupid thing to do. Similarly, if you want to cut out your perfectly healthy uterus and hand it over to some narcissistic pervert with a history of violent behaviour, then I’m not going to stand in your way. I am gonna say, on my blog, on the internet that I think the guy who takes a living woman’s uterus, even with her ‘consent’, is a psychopathic, criminally insane nutjob who has no business being around any woman ever.
It does beg the question… what do trans women want uteri for? Do they want to get pregnant? Can’t they just identify as pregnant like these guys?
As Adrienne Rich said, motherhood and lesbianism are unique experiences of being female. It makes sense that these would be the things autogynephiliacs latch on to.
Women: these are the men that you are prioritizing when you call your feminism ‘trans inclusive’. All over the world, women are being forced into pregnancy. Rich white western couples are renting out the wombs of poor brown women in developing countries for their rich white babies. There is no country in the world where women are completely unrestricted when it comes to abortion access. As you are reading this blog post, women are dying of cervical cancer, ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, and complications related to pregnancy and childbirth. Women are being forced to terminate wanted pregnancies by abusive partners. Women are being forced to terminate wanted pregnancies by their government. Is your number one priority really to have major life-changing surgery so that a man can act out a Frankenstein type fantasy? Really?
We are bringing up a generation of girls who are willing to give men everything they have. We have girls and young women who are so ignorant about what a woman is that they just believe men when they tell them it’s a feeling you have deep inside you. It hasn’t occurred to these girls that women are female people because they have no sense of authentic self. They don’t know who they are. They have no wants or desires that are independent of pleasing men and they don’t even know it. In fact they would vehemently protest it whilst twirling their nipple tassles at the local burlesque night.
So how do we rectify this? Can we? Should we? Is it worth it? Are we beating our heads against a wall with these women? Have feminists lost already? I don’t know the answers to any of those questions but I don’t feel optimistic since I just witnessed a young woman offering to cut her uterus and cervix out of her body so a man’s feelings of womanhood could be validated and barely anyone batted an eyelid.
This is Mary, a sixty-something year old man who took it upon himself to join an explicitly woman-only feminist Facebook group. Admittedly, the group is open to anyone who claims to experience oppression based on the fact that they identify as a woman (whatever that means) but a man Mary’s age should know that doesn’t mean him. Here is Mary’s introductory post in the group:
So, for 39 years, Mary slept in the same bed with the same woman. He fucked her so many times, she became pregnant with thirteen children. Mary’s ex wife went through the agony of losing a child after he or she had been born living. Interestingly, Mary neglected to mention his deceased child in his initial introductory post. I bet his wife knows she has 13 children, not twelve. For thirty of those 39 years, Mary was the family’s patriarch in a patriarchal religious sect. He wasn’t allowed to divorce his wife, or use contraception, so he just kept on fucking her and impregnating her.
Finally Mary’s wife finds women’s clothing in Mary’s car. Presumably her first thought would be that he was having an affair. When Mary announces that he is a woman, his wife tells him to leave. He chooses a screeching fake womanvoice and wearing a bad wig over the woman who has allowed him to put his penis inside her and use her body to beget thirteen children. Mary’s family are in such a state of shock, they no longer speak to him.
Fast forward to December 2013 and Mary is coming into a Facebook group made up of predominantly young women to tell them that he likes it when women admire his body. He likes it when they think he’s birthed 12 children and kept a svelte physique. It gives him the lulz.
And what happens when actual women voice horror and disgust at his flagrant disregard for this woman and, by extension, all women? We’re told off. We’re called disgusting. We’re called bigots. We’re told we have female privilege. We’re told we ought to have more sensitivity about this poor man’s feelings because not respecting his preferred gender pronouns might make him want to kill himself. We’re told our natural revulsion is an attack on poor Mary’s personal character. We’re told that this a safe space for both trans and cis women to come together and share their deepest innermost feelings. Unless those innermost feelings include thoughts about men fucking and impregnating women, then demanding to be acknowledged as a woman who’s just like one of the girls.
And guess who it is feeding us the privilege garbage? It’s not Mary. Mary’s probably sitting at home with a hard on from the pretty young girl catfight he’s managed to cause. No, it’s other women. Y’see the patriarchy has pulled a pretty awesome trick. It’s managed to convince hordes and hordes of young (and not-so-young) women that their oppressors are their friends. Not just their friends but their girlfriends. Gal pals. One of us!
Look, he wears women’s clothes and says he’s a woman! Of course he must be a woman. Only a fool would say they’re a woman if they’re not!
I remember the face of every man who’s ever fucked me. (Hi guys if you’re reading!) If any one of those men came up to me, completely seriously, and told me he was a woman now and demanded I refer to him as she, I would probably be too stunned to even say anything. You’re a man and you’ve put your dick inside me and you want me to say you’re a woman? Hell fucking no. And then at some point you realize that all of these heterosexual males who claim to be women are some other woman’s ex boyfriend, or ex husband, or worse – father of her children. And we are doing every single one of these women a disservice when we refer to men as ‘she’ and accept them into our women-only communities.
These are men. They are not women. I refuse to call them women and I implore other feminist-minded women to consider the invisible women harmed by transgender males. I defy any of you to look me in the eye and tell me you’d accept a man who fucked you as a woman. What about a man who raped you?
These are men. They are gross, creepy, sexually disturbed, autogynephilic men.