No Answers Only Questions

There is a common thread that runs among the “trans women are women but not female” crowd. This group is mostly composed of nice, white, liberal, middle-class-ish, lady bloggers and journalists who will not accept that the penis of a trans woman is a female penis but who will concede that a man with a penis can be a woman because woman is gender and genitals is sex. These women are often called TERFs by the more wacko trans activists because they believe that sex is immutable and cannot be changed even though they’re willing to concede that there are male women and female men. These women will often say that they accept trans women as women if they “present as women” or they are “read as women.”

UntitledThis argument that you become a woman by presenting yourself as a woman and being perceived as womanly by others is sexist to its very core. It’s saying that womanhood is nothing more than femininity and that women who abstain from feminine beauty practices and behaviours are less womanly than men who adhere to them. It’s also just not a justifiable statement because it depends on so many variables. If we’re going to assert that is a person is a woman simply by virtue of presenting themselves as a woman and being perceived as a woman, that is the same thing as saying, “you are not the thing that you are; you are the perception people have of you.” And that is just demonstrably untrue. Butch lesbians are read as male all the fucking time yet their actual femaleness; their physical sex – the thing that makes them a woman – is clearly verifiable.

I am often “read” as a hipster because I haven’t had a haircut in 2 years and I dress like a homeless man a lot of the time but actually I’ve never in my life liked anything before it was cool (apart from Radical Feminism, obvs) and I dress like this because I’m poor and I’ve been wearing this outfit since 1999. So people “read” me as a hipster and treat me like a hipster. I’m not actually a hipster though because I’m thirty-one years old and I don’t really properly know what a hipster is. I just know you need money to be one and I don’t have any.

Thirteen year old girls often present as women and are read as women. Does that make them women or are they actually girls hoping to look like women? If they present as women, read as women and identify themselves as women, should we treat them like women?

So even if it were true that trans women are generally “read as women” by the world at large, that’s not enough to actually make them women. If that were true, then that would mean that butch lesbians (and butch straight women) who “present as men” and are “read as men” are suddenly actual men because that’s how they’re perceived. We would have to say, “sorry, dykes. You dress like a man and look like a man and I read you as a man so you have to pee in the boys’ toilets and change in the men’s room.”

Heterosexual women who accept sufficiently feminine males as women rarely want to enter into a discussion with lesbians (who are actual women) about their views. They consider any attempt to ask questions a “pile-on” and either refuse to engage or claim that they are being harangued and harassed. Lesbians would like to know if being read as the opposite sex automatically makes you a member of that sex in all cases or if it’s only true for special people who actually want to be read as the opposite sex. Is it that males can be women if they’re read as women and they also want to be read as women but they’re still men if they’re read as women and they don’t want to be?

Untitled

Are butch dykes still women because they’re read as men but don’t want to be read as men? If they wanted to be read as men, would they then be men? It’s not a rhetorical question but so far no one has been willing to take it on.

These are legitimate questions that lesbians are asking and the silence around it from heterosexual feminists is deafening.  It’s really nice that you all have recently discovered that a penis is actually a male organ but it’s been a while now and that’s a pretty basic thing. It’s hard to have discussions about advancing women’s liberation with people who are unable to define precisely what a woman is. (I’ll give you a clue: it doesn’t have anything to do with special feelings.)

If you believe that there can be such a thing as a male woman, a good rule to keep in mind as a feminist is this: female women take precedence over male women. If a female woman is saying to you, “hey, this male woman is stepping on my toes,” you should listen to her. Even if she’s – gasp – a lesbian. Endlessly repeating, “trans women are women because trans women are women,” is not a good look and it’s it’s not doing actual women any favours. How can we have come to a point in time where prominent feminist journalists are unable to define what a woman even is and frame any attempt at discussion about it a “pile-on”?

On MichFest and Women Only Space

It’s still almost five months away but the yearly online backlash against Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival has begun in earnest. Yesterday one of the confirmed acts, Hunter Valentine, announced that they would be pulling out due to the festival’s female-only policy.

UntitledHunter Valentine are a band full of vagina-having, vagina-loving lesbians. I know this because I saw some of them having vaginas and loving vaginas when they were on The Real L Word and it was pretty explicit and kind of gross. I’m willing to bet everything I own that every single one of those ladies knows the difference between a vagina and a penis.

The band published a more detailed statement on their Facebook page that I will reproduce here (bold mine): -

After much thought, hard conversation and inner struggle, Hunter Valentine has decided that we will not be playing Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival 2014.

We had the pleasure and privilege of playing MichFest a couple of years ago and we were blown away with the capacity at which people welcomed us and made us feel at home. We had never played a festival that had such a history and held such a strong and firm identity in itself.
We as a band have always felt that it was important to us that our live shows would represent a very open, diverse and inclusive space. Our goal since we started was to play for as many people as possible that would listen and make those people feel like they were a part of a community.

We understand and appreciate that the festival maintains the stance of celebrating women, and as a band of strong women we also celebrate the gender that we are. The issue with us playing Michigan Womyn’s Festival lies in how we do now, and always have believed that the term women includes transgender women. In our mind the term “trans” should not be a label that alienates. We have always felt and identified as positive trans allies and feel that playing the festival would directly contradict our beliefs that a trans woman is a woman and should be seen, respected and treated as such.

We apologize to any fans that we may have let down and would like to thank the festival for inviting us back to be a part of it. Hopefully we will be back to play the MichFest stage when things are a little different and there is more room for open minds and change.

- Hunter Valentine

So, Hunter Valentine “feel like” and “identif[y]” as “positive trans allies” and because of this, they have decided to forego the opportunity to be involved in an lesbian-centred, women-only, uplifting, healing space. Too bad for them, I guess. It doesn’t really concern me that Hunter Valentine pulled out of Michfest. I can’t afford to go this year (or probably any year) and I’m not a huge fan of their music. There’s tons of other awesome acts lined up and I’m sure everyone will have a great time regardless. Whatevs, yanno?

What does bother me is how Hunter Valentine, like the Indigo Girls last year, are framing their objections to the intention of the festival. Both groups cited their reason for pulling out or threatening to pull out as a lack of inclusiveness from the fest’s organizers. The Indigo Girls and Hunter Valentine both state that their audiences are ‘diverse’ and that they want their shows to be welcoming to all. I totally get that. Y’all gotta put food on the table at the end of the day so you want as many people as possible to come to your shows. That’s totally understandable. My problem is with the framing being used. The implication here is that MichFest is not diverse and is not welcoming to all and from what I’ve observed from this year’s programme, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

For instance, the pricing options for MichFest tickets are on a sliding scale. The producers have stated that even if the lowest price is unaffordable, women should contact the festival organizers and work something out. MichFest seems like it’s pretty inclusive of poor women.

The campsite and festival are are fully wheelchair accessible and there are various resources onsite that disabled women can avail themselves of. There are 12 step meetings and peer-to-peer counselling and all women can access basic first aid and healthcare. MichFest seems like it’s pretty inclusive of women who have disabilities or mental health issues.

There are spaces set apart specifically for women of colour and the festival operates a Womyn of Color travel fund which allows many low-income women, who wouldn’t otherwise have the ability, to attend. Seems like MichFest is also pretty inclusive of women of colour.

I could go on an on about inclusivity. Lisa Vogel – the festival’s founder and producer – had this to say about the festival’s intention in 2013:

The Festivat, for a single precious week, is intended for womyn who at birth were deemed female, who were raised as girls, and who identify as womyn. I believe that womyn-born-womyn is a lived experience which constitutes its own gender identity.

As we struggle around the question of inclusion of trans womyn at the Festival, we use the word intention very deliberately. Michigan holds this particular lived experience of womanhood as honorable, meaningful, unique and rich. Our intention has always been coupled with the radical commitment to never ask any womon’s gender. We ask the greater community to respect this intention, and to value the complexity and validity of every gender identity, including that of WBW. The onus is on each individual to choose whether or how to respect that intention.

That’s so diplomatic I almost can’t even deal with it. Lisa Vogel is a more nuanced woman than I. It’s difficult to argue against what Lisa is saying here because it’s so damned reasonable. She’s acknowledging and validating the ‘womynhood’ of trans ‘womyn’ (which I refuse to do) and putting the onus on to them to respect women’s boundaries. MichFest’s policy does not exclude trans women, it simply asks them to respect the intention.

What trans women have done in response, is say, “Oh my God, you have asked me politely to respect a boundary and leave a bunch of women alone in the woods for a week?! This is OUTRAGEOUS!” and, instead of respecting the boundary or not respecting the boundary, have loudly called for the boundary to be cast aside.

This histrionic behaviour serves to set trans women up as the justified injured party. They are respecting the boundary. They’re just letting it be known that they think the boundary is oppressive because it’s really not fair that they’re left out of one week in one forest in one part of the world. To hear trans women activists go on, you’d think that Lisa Vogel started the festival in 1978 specifically to exclude trans women. You’d think that every year, a few thousand of the most penis-phobic, hateful bigots on the planet made a pilgrimage to bigot Mecca where they take off their clothes and dance around, cackling, exerting their cis privilege, and plotting the death of every trans woman in the world. You would think that there are armed guards on the festival’s front gate performing random spot checks and looking inside women’s underwear to make sure they have a vagina. There’s actually none of this. There’s just a bunch of women of every age, race, sexuality, ability, and socio-ecomonic class, who want to get together with other women and just be women for a while. That’s it.

The intention of MichFest is not to exclude trans women. MichFest has absolutely nothing to do with trans women and everything to do with actual women. It provides a space for women to relax away from the prying eyes of men. It affords women the experience of living and working together as a female-centred community. It means women are able to get drunk and stumble back to their tents in the dark and not have to worry about becoming a victim of male violence. It allows gender-nonconforming women some breathing space where they can have a whole week without having their femaleness called into question while using a women’s bathroom or changing area. It gives survivors of rape and sexual assault a place where they can begin to come to terms with themselves with the support and encouragement of their sisters. These are all valuable and sorely-needed experiences.

Framing MichFest’s intention as being about transphobia and exclusion is disingenuous at the best interpretation and a bare-faced lie at the worst. Women need to stop being so afraid and so accommodating and we need to start supporting women-only space or we’re going to lose it. We need to know that we have a right to define our own space and who we want in it. It’s not actually up for negotiation.

Someone on Twitter the other day said, “The first and most basic woman-only space is her body.” This really resonated with me. All women have the right to declare their bodies a woman-only space. They can do this by choosing to remain celibate or choosing to only share her body with other women. When women have asserted this boundary, men have gotten upset and started their cotton ceiling and their “having my penis inside you is different to having a man’s penis inside you!” nonsense. If women aren’t even allowed to define their own bodies as woman-only space, we’re definitely not going to be allowed to claim any sort of land or physical space.

But men have prohibited women from doing stuff since men and women existed. We never used to be allowed to wear jeans but then some brave women just started doing it anyway, and gradually things changed and now everyone has a pair of jeans.

I don’t care if a certain percentage of women in the world don’t want to participate in women-only space. That’s their loss as far as I’m concerned. What I do care about is ensuring that women who do want access to this space are able to get it. And honestly I expect other women, and especially lesbians, to have my back there. And they don’t. The rebranding of feminism to mean ‘equality’ gives young women cause to think that means men have equal right to be in our spaces. They don’t.

I’m disappointed Hunter Valentine chose to use their platform to denigrate and degrade women-only space and reframe the issue so the focus is back on what men want and how we should defer to them. If you don’t want to be a part of a women-only community, that’s cool. Don’t be. But to try to persuade others from autonomously forming their own? That’s not cool. That’s actually kinda shitty.

Women are entitled to their space. They need to take it.

If Sex Work Was Work

If sex work is just work then UK and EU labour laws should apply, right?

So, in Scotland, the age of consent is sixteen years old. The national minimum wage for a sixteen year old is £3.72 per hour. Young workers – that is sixteen and seventeen year olds – are legally entitled to a 30 minute break for every 4.5 hours worked and they must have a daily rest period of twelve hours. If, however, there isn’t a worker over the age of 18 available who can do the work, and if the work is seen to be both temporary and urgent, these legal entitlements can be revoked.

So, what could potentially happen here in Scotland if sex work really was just work, is that you could have a sixteen year old girl who leaves school and gains employment in a brothel. Almost all of her co-workers are sixteen and seventeen year old girls and they are being paid £3.72 per hour. There’s rarely women around who are over the age of eighteen because the ‘manager’ usually finds some way of sacking them once he has to start paying them more. Since age is a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act and it’s illegal for an employer to fire an employee due to their age, there will likely be accusations of ‘poor service’ as an excuse to terminate contracts.The young workers will be required to do long shifts with no breaks in the face of so many men’s temporary and urgent need to ejaculate into teenage girls.

The manager charges ‘clients’ £50 for 30 minutes of time with a girl of his choosing so the girls only actually see 3.72% of the money that buys her consent. She could be working 48 hour weeks with no breaks and her payslip will read a disappointing £178. At her busiest times, she’ll receive £1.86 for every man who ejaculates into her or on her.

Alternatively, a sixteen year old school leaver could apply for a pornography apprenticeship. In Scotland, a sixteen year old may consent to sex but she may not consent to being videotaped having sex and the footage being distributed. As an apprentice, she will be instructed in the art of performance sex with brothel clients being the benefactors of the training sessions. She will learn how to make her cries of pain sound enough like squeals of pleasure to pass muster. She will learn how to look delighted instead of repulsed when a man old enough to be her father ejaculates on her face. There will be modules on gang bangs, girl on girl, orgy etiquette, and personal grooming. In the second year of the apprenticeship, girls will have the option to specialize in a fetish such as BDSM or double anal fisting. At eighteen, she will be ready to go into the world of pornography and equipped for the most extreme scenarios. At sixteen and seventeen, however, she will be paid the legal minimum wage for apprentices which is £2.68 per hour. She will work 10 hours a day, five days a week, and come away with just under £130 in her pocket at the end of it.

If this sounds ludicrous to you then you know that sex work is not work.

Women have the right to find gainful employment which does not involve having their body used as a masturbatory receptacle. Sex work is not just work.

There Is Something Wrong With You

Dr Pamela Stephenson is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders. You would think that would mean she spends her time counseling men who like to fuck cheese and things of that nature but what Dr Stephenson actually does is write a weekly sex advice column in The Guardian where she spends most of her time trying to persuade women to lie back and think of England when they express feelings of not wanting to be fucked.

Today, a woman wrote to Dr Stephenson saying that after she has sex with a man, whether it’s a casual fling or a serious relationship, she feels disgust towards him. She states that these feelings “fade into the background” if she’s dating the man for a long time but they never fully go away. So this woman spends her relationships having sex with men who disgust her.

I’m not a sex therapist but I’ve been around the block a couple of times and my advice to this woman would be, “stop having sex with men.” The disgust you feel is legitimate. It’s perfectly ok to not want to have sex with men.

Dr Stephenson’s answer was a little different. Stephenson advises the woman that something has probably gone wrong along the way and that she may have “internalized feelings of disgust about sex.” She goes on to say that this woman needs to “[e]xamine [her] long-held beliefs and [her] targeted disgust, and spend time pondering where they may have come from.” Once she has identified the source of her disgust, she has to “work to rationalise and correct” it.

It looks to me like what Dr Stephenson is saying here is that it is not rational to be disgusted by sex with men and that this is a disorder that can be corrected. This suggests to me that she thinks women have a duty to be penis receptacles and that any resistance we might feel to this obligation is a problem we need to overcome.

Pamela Stephenson receives a lot of letters from women who are disinterested in, disgusted by, or physically pained by intercourse. They mostly get the same spiel: get over it.

When a woman wrote to ask Stephenson’s advice after being unable to orgasm through vaginal intercourse, she was told she may have nerve damage. She was not told that 3 out of 4 women do not achieve orgasm through penetration. She was not assured the the orgasms she was having during oral sex were legitimate and desirable. The problem was her. Her body must be defective. Or she’s not doing the sex properly and maybe a different position will help.

Another woman in wrote in saying that she had an “amazing” sex life with her boyfriend without PIV. They had attempted intercourse twice in the past but she had found it too painful to continue. What does Dr Stephenson think she should do? The very first thing she suggests is that the woman consult a gynecologist because there’s a non-specified ‘medical procedure’ that a woman can have that will make it easier for a man to penetrate her. I searched google for “treatment for pain during intercourse” and “medical procedure for intercourse pain” but nothing turned up anything that could be termed as a ‘medical procedure’ so I have no idea what Dr Stephenson had in mind.  She then goes on to tell the woman how lucky she is to be having orgasms and not to be so intercourse-focused so her advice appears to be fairly inconsistent.

Another woman says her boyfriend has told her that her vagina is “repulsive” and that he can’t stand to look at it. Instead of advising her to ditch the scumbag, Stephenson tells the woman she should sit her boyfriend down like he’s a five year old child and read a book with him about “physical diversity” and help him to see that all vaginas are beautiful at the expense of her own feelings about her body.

Most of the letters Dr Stephenson receives from women go along the lines of, “My boyfriend wants to put his penis in me but I don’t want to/find it painful/don’t enjoy it/am too tired/have just had a baby/am post-menopause/etc. Is there something wrong with me?” The standard reply given out by the good doctor is, “Yes there is something wrong with you. Try wearing sexy underwear/getting an operation/letting him penetrate you in different positions/using a gallon of lubricant/giving him a blowjob instead.”

Pamela Stephenson is using her platform on the Guardian to advise women that being a penis receptacle is inevitable. If it hurts or if you just plain don’t like it then you have to fix that shit because how will you get a man? If your boyfriend tells you your vagina is so disgusting he doesn’t want to look at it (but still wants to stick his penis inside it) then you just have to sit him down and try to make him see that it’s actually a nice vagina. If you dump him, how will you get another man with that hideous vagina you’re sporting?

When women express disgust and revulsion at the idea of having sex with men, it doesn’t occur to Dr Stephenson to suggest they may not actually be heterosexual. Disgust and revulsion at the idea of sex with men is a Big Problem because then men might not get to put their penises inside women and that won’t do at all. The best thing women can do is interrogate their desires (sound familiar?) and rationalise and correct the absolutely abhorrent feeling that you don’t desire sex with men. Because that’s what you’re for.

The (Re) Branding of Radical Feminism

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you may have noticed that I’m a fan of analogies. I’m not always very good at them but as an illustrative tool, I find them useful and fun. I’m going to use one now.

Imagine you have someone who’s been a Libertarian for most of their life. One day, this person happens upon some people talking about Socialism in an online discussion forum. At first, the Libertarian doesn’t like the Socialists. He doesn’t understand them. This is a completely new idea that he’s never been exposed to before and is contrary to pretty much everything he’s ever been taught. ‘These Socialists must be mad!’ he thinks. But something compels the Libertarian to keep looking and, over time, he starts to see that the Socialists are making sense about a lot of things.

The Libertarian befriends some of the Socialists and starts to read some socialist theory. He likes a lot of it. He begins to notice an unfair distribution of wealth. He begins to understand how capitalism doesn’t encourage economic growth because it funnels all the world’s wealth to the top of the pyramid where it’s hoarded by a small handful of people and never put back into the economy. He thinks this is unfair and also very wrong.

The Libertarian doesn’t agree with all the socialist theory, however. He thinks it’s a bit extreme to take the position that all property is theft because he owns a nice house that he worked hard to pay for and he likes that a lot. He thinks it’s ok to critique the practice of owning property and acknowledges that owning property is oppressive but he thinks that under the right circumstances, it can be ok and we should never criticize the actual people who own property because that is wrong.

The Libertarian spends more time in Socialist discussion groups asking questions and trying to justify his simultaneously held beliefs that owning property is both oppressive and acceptable under the right circumstances. This naturally creates divisions within the Socialist community because the Socialists are continually having to restate their position and this is draining their time and energy.

So what the Libertarian does, is combine some of the parts of Socialism he likes and some of the parts of Libertarianism that he likes so that he can have a political philosophy he feels completely comfortable with. The only thing now is that the Libertarian is still calling his politics Socialism.

Very quickly after doing this, the Libertarian decides that the Socialists aren’t doing a very good job of Socializing. The Libertarian has big ideas. He wants to bring Socialism to the masses. Except it’s not really Socialism he’s pushing; it’s a watered-down, diluted version of Socialism with strands of Libertarianism in there.

The Libertarian sets up his own Socialist organization and calls it Socialism UK. He teams up with self-identified non-Socialists from countries outwith the UK, despite there being no lack of genuine UK Socialists, to discuss Socialist politics and begin to organize events under the banner of Socialism.

The situation here is pretty shitty for the Socialists. Not only do they have actual Socialist work to be doing, they have to expend further energy correcting the distorted version of Socialism that the Libertarian, along with his non-Socialist colleagues, are putting out there.

This is happens within all leftist political circles. Radical Feminism is not exempt.

Radical Feminism upholds that heterosexuality is a political tool used to exploit women’s reproductive labour and keep them subservient to men. If a Radical Feminist tells you, “Maybe some women are heterosexual,” she doesn’t understand Radical Feminism.

It’s perfectly legitimate within the realms of political discourse to police one’s terms. I’m pretty sure the Socialists in my analogy would be pissed off at Mr Libertarian, be adamant that he’s not a Socialist, and insist that only those who agreed with the core principles of Socialism identify themselves as Socialists. No one would give the Socialists a hard time for upholding their standards. When radical feminists try to police our terms, we are accused of trashing. This is probably because Socialists tend to be men and Radical Feminists are always women and women can’t open their mouths at all without someone telling them they’re not being nice enough.

Radical Feminist praxis does not involve discussing individual womens’ sex lives in public on the internet. It doesn’t involve representing Political Lesbianism as “lesbophobic” and being the gatekeeper of who is and isn’t a lesbian. It doesn’t really involve cava and nibbles and limited seating in a cramped bookstore in London. It’s not endlessly discussing ‘gender critical vs. gender identity‘ with men and referring to them as ‘she’.

Radical Feminism isn’t palatable. It’s not designed to make you feel comfortable. The truth is not comfortable.

Guest Post by Regi Murphy

A man named Regi Murphy from Lexington, Massachusetts has some very important things to say. He wrote almost 2,300 words as a comment on one of my posts and since it took him all that time and effort, I thought I would give him a guest spot on my blog so he can be seen by the masses. Here’s Regi:

901064_312915695506512_1975648007_oAnd now I present to you, Regi’s very important thoughts, entirely unedited:

I’m gonna need you to read this whole thing and read it well because this more than pisses me off and you need to stop spewing hateful bullshit before someone calls you on it for real.

You may literally be the most ignorant human being in the entire species if this is a completely serious article. Part of me feels terrible for even seeing that you exist because quite frankly something fucked you up pretty bad and that’s probably what led up to you writing this glorified hate mail and this male shaming exclusionist bullshit. So lemme break this down for you as gently as possible:

FUCK YOU

Seriously. All you’re doing in this whole article is

A) Shaming all men and generalizing the act of PIV sex simply because of your narrow and admittedly shitty experience with it

B) Literally being the biggest hypochondriac over something that people have known for years, and

C) Being the biggest hypocrite I didn’t even know could exist.

Let’s start with the fact that PIV intercourse is HOW ALL MAMMALS FUCKING BREED YOU PHILISTINE, it’s literally encoded into the deepest recesses of our DNA for both heterosexual men AND women to seek it out. Penises were MADE to be put in things while vaginas were MADE to have things go in and out of them, sorry but that’s basic biology and if you can’t understand that then please seclude yourself from the rest of humanity for a while we don’t need hateful dumbasses who preach this shit.

Let’s then acknowledge the fact that you casually throw around the word rape the way rednecks use racial slurs and hateful language. THAT IS NOT OK IN ANY WAY AT ALL. Rape is not to be taken lightly in EITHER direction. It’s a huge problem and when you associate even the most basic things with it it creates so much fear and hate within an activity that really brings people together and is the source of HUMAN LIFE YOU SELFISH ASSHOLE.

Also, you are weaponizing penises. Let’s just take that in for a second. YOU ARE ACTUALLY TURNING THE CHARACTERISTIC INBORN SEXUAL ORGAN OF THE ENTIRETY OF MALEDOM INTO SOMETHING IT’S NOT. You’re worse than the ignoramuses who over sexualize breasts and make it so that girls have to be ashamed of their bodies because you are literally trying to make men feel horrible for being born with something that they can’t help and that they are told to hide and keep away from people unless there is serious consent anyways. I mean FUCK YOU you’re actually making sure to lessen peoples’ comfort levels and healthy ideas about sex just because your dumb ass couldn’t figure out how to do what humanity and all of the fucking animal kingdom has been up to since penises and vaginas were a THING.

Next up, this is the part where I tell you that I am a biracial, gay, cisgendered male. So take what I say as you will, but let it be known that none of the above categories that I fit into detract from my argument when I say you are a cold, hateful, bitch. Most of my friends are straight males, and on the flip side most of my close friends are females, most of the intercourse I partake in is with men, and yet I have had PIV intercourse as well. I have been on the receiving end of a penis and on the giving end as well.

AND NOW I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE EXAGGERATION YOU PUT FORTH IS LAUGHABLE AT BEST. Yeah, it can hurt to have someone else’s hard flesh inside you, hell it can even hurt to put it into someone. And yeah, there’s risk to having something like that in you back and forth for a while. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? THERE’S ACTUALLY HIGHER RISK OF INJURY WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE RAM YOU UP THE ASS SO DON’T EVEN TRY TO BE A MARTYR WITH ME HONEY. And let me tell you. I STILL DO IT AND HAVE IT DONE.

And that isn’t because I’m satan, it isn’t because I just want a quick fuck or I need to bust a nut, and it isn’t because I see it as getting used or using someone for the benefit of some ejaculatory purpose. No. You know why I do it? Because it can be fun and beautiful and marvelous all in one. Yeah, sex has high risk with it, I’m sorry but that’s life, if you truly looked into the risk of any form of sexual gratification whether PIV or even masturbation, and then took to it the way you did the risk of PIV, you would sew your own vagina shut and never leave your home again. Trust me, especially in my case, I have a well above average penis in terms of size and length, and I understand the harm that that can do to someone who’s on the receiving end of it, and I take care to make sure I’m not harming my partner whether it be male or female. I also make sure there is consent and not just like “OMG I WANNA PLEASE DO IT WITH ME” no, they also want sex, it’s a two person action, and at least in most cases it involves two people being on the same fucking page about it, so I would like for you not to call it rape and call all men rapists because that’s not only a bitch move but is ignorant, over generalization, and quite frankly it’s stupid because you’re insulting half the fucking world in a way worse than any chauvinist dipshit I’ve ever met.

Pain during sex or after sex or even BEFORE ACTUAL ENTRY is all kinds of natural. Now some pain should be looked at and helped. But the thing is all animals experience it in normal quantities, go look it the fuck up, and you can try to tell me that animals don’t know any better and that they are mostly based around patriarchal blah blah blah shut the fuck up educate yourself and see that even the animals with matriarchal society (such as the common Hyena where even the highest ranking male is below the lowest ranking female) HAVE PIV INTERCOURSE AS A MEANS OF MAKING SURE THE SPECIES IS NOT ONLY CONTINUED BUT CONTINUED WELL AND EVEN THEN THEIR SEX IS BASED ON ATTRACTION AND CONSENT. I’M NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD BE DENIED THE RIGHT TO AVOID PAIN, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO AFRAID OF A RISK THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THE FUCKING FORTITUDE TO DEAL WITH THEN MAKE IT YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND DON’T GO AROUND HATING EVERY DUDE THAT WANTS TO HAVE SEX AND CALLING THEM RAPISTS HOLY SHIT.

Oh and something else, MEN ARE PROGRAMMED TO PUT THEIR DICKS INTO THINGS BUT DONT GO USING THE OUTLIERS LIKE MEN WHO FUCK ANIMALS AND CARS AND SHIT AS AN EXAMPLE BECAUSE THAT’S LIKE ME USING NAZIS AS A WAY TO DESCRIBE ALL GERMANS EVER AND THATS JUST NOT CORRECT YOU DIPSHIT. And what else is normal is that Vaginas were literally made for the entry of a penis, they have a natural system of lubing themselves up when women get horny for a fucking reason, which is not to say women were made for men nor men for women, just in general, and biologically/heterosexually speaking THEY WERE MADE FOR EACHOTHER.

OH BUT THERE’S MORE. You aren’t a feminist. You’re an awful human being. What you preach is not an equality of the sexes but rather a shaming of one to bring the other above it. That, my poor misguided fellow human, is the equivalent of the westboro baptist church using christianity to cover up the fact that they’re a bunch of blood sucking cunts who spew hate speech and do nothing but try to fuck everyone over with their dumbass doctrine. So you know what you can go join them and sit with the rest of th- OH WAIT NO YOU CANT BECAUSE AT LEAST THEY UNDERSTAND THE BASIC NORMALCY AND NECESSITY OF BREEDING DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE.

Then let’s culture you on straight men. Again, most of my friends fall under that category, and maybe it’s because I surround myself with good men, but you know what NONE OF THEM ARE FUCKING RAPISTS YOU BITCH HOLY DAMN. 99% of them aren’t out to just bust a quick nut with random women, and the ones that are don’t do everything and anything to do so, they just try to find women who would also like to get laid for a night and just have fun and move on I mean shit. I have a friend who was with a girl for 9 months and there was no form of penetration because he asked if she would ever see herself wanting to, she said no, and so he didn’t. THIS WAS A HORMONAL 17 YEAR OLD WHO HAD ONE OF THE STRONGEST SEX DRIVES I HAVE EVER SEEN AND HE HAD THE SELF CONTROL TO KEEP HIS DICK IN HIS PANTS FOR 9 MONTHS BECAUSE HE WAS OK WITH NOT FUCKING HER AND MASTURBATING ON HIS OWN. AND HE’S NOT THE ONLY GUY I KNOW TO DO THIS AND NOT RECEIVE SEX BY THE END OF IT SO YOU CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MEN BEING MINDLESS CREATURES WHO ONLY WANT SEX AND THAT SEX IS RAPE. (Oh I’m 20 btw and if you use that to try and discredit my argument then straight up you’re just an ageist bitch.)

SEX CAN ALSO BE AN ACT OF LOVE AND CONNECTION AND QUITE FRANKLY IT CAN BE AND IS EXTREMELY HEALTHY FOR YOU BECAUSE IT IS NOT ONLY INTENSE EXERCISE BUT IT HELPS STAVE OFF ALL SORTS OF DISEASE AND MENTAL ILLNESS AS LONG AS YOU KEEP IT SAFE AND WRAP IT UP WHEN YOU NEED TO OR TAKE THE PILL OR SOMETHING. Personally I use a condom every time unless I’m with a partner I’m sure is STD/STI free or who I know for a fact is on some form of birth control BUT NEITHER I NOR MY FRIENDS WOULD EVER FORCE THAT ON SOMEONE SO WE MAKE SURE TO HAVE PROTECTION ON US AND MAKE SURE ALL IS WELL.

AND NOW THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THIS ARTICLE:

YOU ARE TELLING WOMEN NOT TO EMBRACE THEIR OWN SEXUALITY, IN ESSENCE YOU ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE WORST OF THE PATRIARCHY DOES TO WOMEN. YOU LITERALLY ARE DOING WHAT FEMINISM TELLS YOU NOT TO DO TO WOMEN AND YOU ARE A WOMEN AS FAR AS I CAN TELL. SO YOU KNOW WHAT GO THE FUCK BACK TO SCHOOL AND READ A BOOK AND FIND SOMEONE FUN AND INTERESTING AND GO HAVE SEX WITH THEM IN A WONDERFUL AND HEALTHY WAY SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK THE ENTIRE WORLD IS ON ABOUT WHEN THEY GO AND HAVE SEX WITH PEOPLE OR AT LEAST MAKE FRIENDS WHO CAN EXPLAIN IT TO YOU IF YOU REALLY ARE THAT MUCH AGAINST THE IDEA OF INTERCOURSE IN ANY PENETRATIVE FORM.

EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR SEXUAL DESIRES YES THAT MEANS EVEN MEN CAN WANT TO FUCK SOMETHING AND YOU KNOW WHAT AS LONG AS ALL PARTIES INVOLVED ARE HAPPY AND ON THE SAME PAGE AND WITHIN THE LAW THEN THEY CAN DO AS THEY PLEASE AND THAT’S NOT ONLY THEIR BUSINESS BUT PERFECTLY OK AND CERTAINLY NOT RAPE.

Now I’m gonna lighten the blow of what I just threw at you with this.

I agree that women should have better sex education that is geared towards them, I wholeheartedly support a sex ed class or just sex ed in general that tells women not only how to achieve more pleasure and orgasm but the safer and healthier ways for them to avoid pain or the risk of pregnancy and all that. Quite frankly women have been receiving the short end of sex for quite a while and I think that they need to be at least equal with men in bed, I also think that men need to be taught in a lot of cases that sex isn’t just plug and hump and that you have to explore and have more fun and try all kinds of play and whatnot and that it isn’t just about PIV. Male contraception should also be explained and more sought after and thought about as well because in general it can actually be a lot easier to use and hell sometimes it’s a lot safer too.

But again, you’re a hateful piece of shit and I hope you understand that this fear mongering bullshit you’re spewing is nothing but cold bitchy words from someone who clearly doesn’t understand that males are needed in society just as much as women no matter what happens and that people should be not only comfortable with themselves but with other people because otherwise we’re all just gonna end up hating ourselves and others, you are a prime example of this in a concentrated form.

So FUCK OFF and have a nice day <3

P.S. I read the “things you should know before commenting” and the “things fans say” sections and from what I can deduce not only are those twitter comments perfectly correct but you’re also just an immature waste of flesh with no understanding of how it works when you post stupid and harmful prattle on a medium where anyone can respond and read. so again FUCK YOU AND I CAN’T BELIEVE ANY OF THESE POOR MISGUIDED SOULS AGREE WITH YOU COMPLETELY WHAT THE SHIT.

Let Me Slip Into Something A Little Less Comfortable

In our world, “sex” means fucking. It means a man inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina until he ejaculates. After the man ejaculates, the sex is finished. Anything that precedes the man putting his penis into the woman’s vagina is referred to as “foreplay” and anything that happens after the man has ejaculated and is no longer physically able to penetrate the woman with his penis, is “afterplay.” So, for women, “having sex” is being vaginally penetrated by a man’s penis. Women are expected to “have sex” – or PIV – throughout most of their lives and aren’t really offered any alternatives. If they want to be in a relationship with a man, that man is going to expect sex and PIV is sex.

It is in this context that girls grow up so… let’s talk about sex.

All women are born into a culture in which heterosexuality is expected and culturally mandated with PIV as a perceived natural inevitability. Girls are groomed for PIV from the second they open their eyes. If you’re born with a vagina you can put money on the fact that, at some point in your life, men are going to try to get you to let them put their penis inside it. This is true whether you’re a Black woman or a white woman, whether you’re rich or poor, whether you’re lesbian or heterosexual, whether you live in the global north or the global south.

If you acquiesce consent to a man’s request to penetrate you with his penis you “had sex” with that man.

If a man requests that you allow him to penetrate you with his penis and you withhold your consent then the law (in most cases) says he should refrain. If the man sees that you are withholding consent but then inserts his penis into your vagina anyway, this becomes a crime which we call rape.

Rape and sex are both PIV. Sex is PIV that a woman has acquiesced consented to and rape is PIV that a woman has actively refused. If a man is accused of rape, he can use the defence of ‘no, this was actually consensual sex,’ or ‘I didn’t see that she didn’t consent. How was I to know not to fuck her if she did not alert me to the fact that she didn’t want to be fucked?

Some radical feminists outright state that all heterosexual intercourse is rape. Some radical feminists disagree and say that statement lacks nuance. A lot of heterosexual feminists say they feel personally insulted by the statement “all intercourse is rape” because they have had personal experience of PIV they wanted and PIV they didn’t want and have processed those experiences as different from each other. I understand that. It makes me uncomfortable too. The whole subject of PIV makes me uncomfortable. I endured it for more than ten years of my life until I discovered radical feminism, read FCM’s Intercourse Series, had my mind blown and quit it. I feel like it’s impossible to get a sense of clarity about PIV and what it does to your psyche until you stop doing it and this is because of the trauma bonding that FCM talks about. Women who are still engaging in heterosexual relationships feel particularly uncomfortable with the suggestion that all intercourse is rape because it means acknowledging firstly that the man you share your bed with is a rapist and secondly, that you possess virtually no social power or bodily autonomy. These are hard things to face.

Another thing that’s hard for women to accept is that we do not own our sexualities. There is not a woman alive today who has an authentic sexuality of her own. All women have been groomed to be penis receptacles in a cultural narrative of man-meets-woman-man-puts-penis-in-woman’s-vagina. We are told we like putting things in our vaginas, especially penises, and that’s about the end of it.

If a girl is lucky enough to receive any sex education, she will be taught the biological basics. She’ll learn that men have penises and testicles and produce sperm and women have vaginas and uterii and produce ova. She’ll learn that when a man and a woman have sex, the man inserts his penis into the woman’s vagina until he ejaculates. She’ll learn that the semen in the ejaculate will render her vulnerable to pregnancy so she will have to protect herself by using a hormonal or a barrier contraceptive. Hormonal contraception is preferable because barrier methods such as condoms, while safer for women, apparently reduce sensation for men which is obviously a no-no. It’s much better that a woman take a pill every day for her entire reproductive lifespan, or get a painful injection every 12 weeks, or have a copper rod inserted into her uterus, or a silicone rod implanted into her arm. She probably won’t learn that 3 out of 4 women never orgasm from vaginal intercourse. She almost definitely won’t learn how women do achieve orgasm. She’ll learn her place as a receptacle.

The American Association of Obstetrics and Gynecology estimates that 3 out of 4 women experience pain during intercourse. For some women the pain is temporary or intermittent and for others it is chronic and long-term. Pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong yet when women seek medical assistance for pain during intercourse, they are almost invariably given advice or medication or even surgery that will aid them in continuing to have intercourse. The American Association of Obstetrics and Gynecology advises women who experience burning pain after intercourse to just wrap some ice in a towel and apply it to your vulva. No big deal. You can also take preventative action like a painkiller before bed!

Women are acquiescing consenting to all this shit because they literally do not know any different. Until I discovered radical feminism, it hadn’t even occurred to me that I could refuse.

There’s another way to look at PIV without couching it in the problematic language of consent.

Rape is when a man uses his penis as a weapon against a woman or girl against her will.

Sex is when a man uses his penis as a weapon against a woman or girl with her consent.

PIV can be justified as ‘always rape’ because it always involves the weaponization of the penis against a woman on a girl. The woman may ‘enjoy’ the sensation of having a penis inside her but she wouldn’t be the first woman in the world to eroticize her own subordination as a means of coping with it. Men know that every single time they stick their dicks in a woman, they’re putting her  at risk of pregnancy. They know that pregnancy can kill women. They know that if they cause a pregnancy to occur they can walk away at any time with no major social consequences. They know what kind of harm’s way they’re putting us in but they really like ejaculating inside us so they do it anyway.

The thing with PIV is that, much like BDSM, it doesn’t really matter how much you like it and how free you think your choice is when you make it; the activity in itself is inherently harmful. It’s a form of assault. Whether or not you acquiesce to the assault or ‘want’ the assault doesn’t change the nature of the assault.

It’s not a coincidence that PIV is considered the primary human sex act. Let’s face it – men can achieve orgasm with ease. Whether they’re sticking their dicks in women, children, animals, Land Rovers, ambulances, shoes, couches, vacuum cleaners, bicycles, drinks trollies, or their own balled up fists, men make sure they have orgasms. Yet it’s the act of reproductive mating they’ve chosen as the most desirable despite the risks involved for women. The act that carries the greatest risk for women and offers the smallest reward. The act that puts women in a constant state of reproductive vulnerability.

It isn’t possible to categorically state that all heterosexual intercourse is not rape when what men do to express “love” for women (sex/PIV) is the same as what they do to express contempt for women (rape/PIV).

Consent: A Comic Strip

CONSENT

How To Be A Male Ally To Radical Feminists

Just shut the fuck up.

That’s it.

That’s all you have to do.

Shut the fuck up. Keep your dick to yourself. And shut the fuck up.

The End.

Swerf And Terf Is Not A New Subway Sandwich

I don’t know who came up with the acronym ‘TERF’. I’m not really inclined to trawl the internet in an attempt to find out but if anyone knows, please drop it in the comments (with yr citation) and I’ll edit the post accordingly.

TERF, for those of you who are not as hip and with it and down with the kids as I clearly am, means Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists. This is obviously a redundant term because firstly there is no such thing as a Trans Inclusive Radical Feminist and secondly tacking ‘Trans Exclusionary’ onto the front of ‘Radical Feminism’ is really just a clear-cut case of men trying to make everything in the world about them and their dicks.

Radical Feminism is one of the only things in the world that isn’t centred around men and what men want. Men can’t bear this to be the case but since they can’t physically police our thoughts, they decide they won’t let us call it Radical Feminism. They have to make it clear that ‘this is a feminism that does not believe me when I say my penis is female and I am the most oppressedest of all womankind.’  This makes it hard for Radical Feminists to physically meet together because every time we try, the men who say they’re women and the women who pretend to believe them, aggressively lobby to have us no-platformed. They rarely triumph in their efforts to keep us from meeting but they do manage to turn the conversation back around to them and their dicks very successfully.

Radical feminists view women’s oppression as rooted in sex, not performance of a gender. That is: women are oppressed because men exploit our means of reproduction and not because we look like women or act like women.Radical feminists reject the idea that gender is a feeling inside you that tells you if you’re a man or a woman. Instead, we view gender as a tool the patriarchy uses to keep women subjugated. Women are kept inhibited and debilitated due to the trappings of femininity and if they decide to forego this in any way, they are accused of attempting to emulate men and harshly condemned and various attempts will be made to bring her back into line.

Radical feminists uphold women-only space to be vital for a number of reasons. One of those reasons is to give women a chance to heal from the violence that is done to them by men. It was radical feminists who set up women-only rape crisis centres in the 1970s and helped to introduce laws which outlawed raping your wife.

But forty plus years of tireless writing, campaigning, talking, legislating, educating, fighting and winning, all while under relentless attack from men who can’t bear it when women tell the truth, all that can be erased and reduced down to a single four letter acronym which is synonymous with “bigot” and spat with venom.

TERF is a word that is predominantly used against women. I have seen one or two men be called TERFs but men are more likely to be called TERF tokens or something similar. Of the women TERF is used against, many are lesbians. Recently on Twitter, I was informed by a young, white, heterosexual, clean-livin’, Christian, LGBT ally lady, that TERF is not a slur. I can’t remember if the word she used was ‘descriptor’ or ‘definition’ but it was one of those. Definitely not a slur, she says. This girl didn’t even know what a woman was so I’m pretty confident that she also has no idea what a radical feminist is. She’s just heard somewhere, probably from a guy in a dress, that there are feminists who think trans women are men oh my god what even and she can’t wrap her head around that because, like I talked about in my post yesterday, and as witchwind carefully describes here, she’s been so perfectly colonized, she doesn’t even know she’s colonized. She is so used to women having the power of naming ourselves taken from us that she doesn’t recognize it when it’s happening right in front of her. And she’s not unique.

Professional feminist Laurie Penny is liberal with her use of the term and like a good little trans ally, she knows all she has to to is link a Twitter user with the word TERF and her followers will SIGNAL BOOST THIS SHIT! and make sure that bigot gets collected.

TERF is a shorthand way of saying “this woman has feminisms that are not about my dick. Shun her and let’s keep focused on the real issue here: my dick.”

This speaks to the nurturing “instinct” that is ingrained in girls from the minute they open their eyes in the world. We are trained to love Dick, serve Dick, and consider Dick our Lord and Master. So when the men in the dresses turn it on with most women, it’s a sympathy response they elicit.

Those mean transphobic powerful feminists want to restrict my access to rape shelters because they think I’m a man!

I just want to pee and those TERF bigots say I have to use the men’s room where I might get attacked!

Those bigoted cis lesbians say they don’t want to have sex with me because they don’t like penis. How do they even know that if they haven’t seen my penis? My penis is a girl’s penis.

They also tend to make up lies and since the internet – and social media in particular – is like a giant game of Chinese Whispers and since no one bothers to ask for ‘receipts’ when it comes to TERF transgressions, these lies are widely propagated and accepted as fact. A common lie about TERFs is that they spend all their time harassing trans women on the internet and plotting their deaths. I think it’s likely that if trans women didn’t spend all their time parading their dicks around women’s private spaces, demanding we accept them as female, we wouldn’t pay them much attention at all.

TERF is just another example of women having the power of naming taken from them. If you move within progressive social justice circles, seeing the word TERF on a screen is supposed to instill you with righteous anger. You know exactly what you’re supposed to do. You either pile on the TERF (woman) in question, tell her she’s depraved, close-minded, bigoted, contributing to the deaths of millions of trans women everywhere, racist, ugly, conservative, hateful, a piece of shit, wrong, uneducated, a trans man in denial, fascist, or whatever else you feel like giving her or you direct yourself and your friends towards the Spam Block function because this insubordinate wench has no business thinking trans women are men on the internet. That is not ok. That literally kills people which is really really problematic.

You don’t have to be a Radical Feminist to be labelled a TERF either. Association with ‘known TERFs’ can be enough to land you this moniker. In fact Roseanne Barr is often cited as a famous TERF but Roseanne herself would admit she is not a Radical Feminist. The reality is that Roseanne is a Grandmother who shares the Radical Feminist belief that men shouldn’t be waving their dicks around women’s private spaces when they’re not wanted. Incidentally my own Grandmother shares this belief and so does every other Grandmother I know. Grandmothers are TERFs.

And there’s new ones now too. SWERF has been doing the rounds for a little while – that one means Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminists. This one is designed to make it look like Radical Feminists take some kind of puritanical approach to sex and think women who sell sexual services are not worthy of feminist attention. This is a complete reversal because Radical Feminists are primarily concerned with naming the perpetrator of violence within the sex industry and those are the pimps and the punters: the men who buy and sell women’s bodies.

BERF is another new one. This one is Bisexual Exclusionary Radical Feminist. This one seems designed to target lesbians specifically. A common thing that happens to lesbians online is that a woman in a relationship with a man will tell her that she’s a bigot for not accepting trans women as women. The lesbian will usually say something like, “Go away heterosexual lady, you have no business policing lesbian’s boundaries,” or maybe she’ll say something more angry or more eloquent depending on her mood, but the ‘heterosexual’ comment is often met with “OMG you are erasing my identity I am actually bisexual because of my feelings and I actually had a threesome one time with my boyfriend and my best friend and I actually licked her pussy and I didn’t puke and sometimes my boyfriend has a female shift and becomes my girlfriend so I am actually part of the LGBTQIA umbrella so fuck you and your cisnormativity and your monosexual privilege.” Or, you know, words to that effect.

There’s a few more but I’ve written a lot and I won’t get into them. They all have the same intent: to silence and incite hatred upon a group of women, mostly lesbians, who say no to Dick. We already have names for what we are. We’re lesbians. We’re radical feminists. We’re women. You can call us SWERFs and TERFs and BERFs and QuERFS and cis and monosexual and prudes and whatever new thing you come up with in a couple of months time, you can call us that too. Women are used to being called names by men. Women are used to other women calling them names on behalf of and at the behest of men. Billions of women all over the world know that trans women are actually men. Literally billions. Most of them do not live on the internet and don’t post endless selfies in between SIGNAL BOOSTING THIS SHIT and signing petitions to make lesbians stop saying words on the internet. Almost all of them have way bigger problems than words lesbians are saying on the internet. All of those women are TERFs.

All women are TERFs deep inside just like all women are sluts and all women are bitches. All women know that trans women are men, it’s just that some women are willing to pretend and some are so disconnected from themselves they don’t even know they’re pretending but we all know. And they know that we know and they can’t fucking stand it.

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