Another Day, Another Man Appropriating Women’s Lives For The Lulz

This is Mary, a sixty-something year old man who took it upon himself to join an explicitly woman-only feminist Facebook group. Admittedly, the group is open to anyone who claims to experience oppression based on the fact that they identify as a woman (whatever that means) but a man Mary’s age should know that doesn’t mean him. Here is Mary’s introductory post in the group:

Later, Mary volunteers some more information about himself.

So, for 39 years, Mary slept in the same bed with the same woman. He fucked her so many times, she became pregnant with thirteen children. Mary’s ex wife went through the agony of losing a child after he or she had been born living. Interestingly, Mary neglected to mention his deceased child in his initial introductory post. I bet his wife knows she has 13 children, not twelve. For thirty of those 39 years, Mary was the family’s patriarch in a patriarchal religious sect. He wasn’t allowed to divorce his wife, or use contraception, so he just kept on fucking her and impregnating her.

Finally Mary’s wife finds women’s clothing in Mary’s car. Presumably her first thought would be that he was having an affair. When Mary announces that he is a woman, his wife tells him to leave. He chooses a screeching fake womanvoice and wearing a bad wig over the woman who has allowed him to put his penis inside her and use her body to beget thirteen children. Mary’s family are in such a state of shock, they no longer speak to him.

Fast forward to December 2013 and Mary is coming into a Facebook group made up of predominantly young women to tell them that he likes it when women admire his body. He likes it when they think he’s birthed 12 children and kept a svelte physique. It gives him the lulz.

And what happens when actual women voice horror and disgust at his flagrant disregard for this woman  and, by extension, all women? We’re told off. We’re called disgusting. We’re called bigots. We’re told we have female privilege. We’re told we ought to have more sensitivity about this poor man’s feelings because not respecting his preferred gender pronouns might make him want to kill himself. We’re told our natural revulsion is an attack on poor Mary’s personal character. We’re told that this a safe space for both trans and cis women to come together and share their deepest innermost feelings. Unless those innermost feelings include thoughts about men fucking and impregnating women, then demanding to be acknowledged as a woman who’s just like one of the girls.

And guess who it is feeding us the privilege garbage? It’s not Mary. Mary’s probably sitting at home with a hard on from the pretty young girl catfight he’s managed to cause. No, it’s other women. Y’see the patriarchy has pulled a pretty awesome trick. It’s managed to convince hordes and hordes of young (and not-so-young) women that their oppressors are their friends. Not just their friends but their girlfriends. Gal pals. One of us!

Look, he wears women’s clothes and says he’s a woman! Of course he must be a woman. Only a fool would say they’re a woman if they’re not!

I remember the face of every man who’s ever fucked me. (Hi guys if you’re reading!) If any one of those men came up to me, completely seriously, and told me he was a woman now and demanded I refer to him as she, I would probably be too stunned to even say anything. You’re a man and you’ve put your dick inside me and you want me to say you’re a woman? Hell fucking no. And then at some point you realize that all of these heterosexual males who claim to be women are some other woman’s ex boyfriend, or ex husband, or worse – father of her children. And we are doing every single one of these women a disservice when we refer to men as ‘she’ and accept them into our women-only communities.

These are men. They are not women. I refuse to call them women and I implore other feminist-minded women to consider the invisible women harmed by transgender males. I defy any of you to look me in the eye and tell me you’d accept a man who fucked you as a woman. What about a man who raped you?

These are men. They are gross, creepy, sexually disturbed, autogynephilic men.

35 thoughts on “Another Day, Another Man Appropriating Women’s Lives For The Lulz

  1. Reblogged this on OUT of My Panties, Now!!! and commented:
    These are men. These are always men. Men who want to own you and make your life theirs.

    They have dehumanized you. Turned you into an object. A thing. A thing that they can be, whenever they want.


  2. Please take this down, it violates the confidentiality agreement set out in the group.


    • The confidentiality agreement was to not repost anything a woman said outside the group. Mary is not a woman.


      • It was a women-only group, and it was decided that transwomen would be included. According to the guidelines of the group, she is a woman. I know you don’t care and you’ve left now but you subjugated a group of women’s collective decision to your own individual agenda.


      • Rose, it saddens me that you’re still taking up for this man. He was married to a woman for almost 40 years and fathered her thirteen children. That is not an experience of being a woman.


      • So, the woman who runs the group asks you to take this down. You respond by citing a technicality that clearly doesn’t correspond with how the confidentiality agreement was intended and give a non-response when she points that out. Good job with those ethics.


      • I think it’s hilarious that you people all think I give a damn what men want.


  3. That is pretty disgusting. I had a 16 hour labor and was so so sick, I kept my ‘figure’, fuck guys that think birth is a fashion show with wigs and panty hose that makes your dick hard


  4. So, this man is on television speaking ostensibly on behalf of gays about the importance of continuing gay pride parade. But he is a straight man who had a normal straight life, and transgenderism is founded on the premise that they are not gays. Most transgenders hate gays and lesbians. But they have no problem co-opting gay pride and piggybacking on decades of gay and lesbian struggles. How ridiculous.


    • RGI, you’re so right about trannies stealing the thunder of us lesbians and gays. We’re the ones out front fighting for equality, even when betrayed by HRC and GLAAD. Butches and gayboys have been defying gender stereotypes for decades without claiming to be the other gender. We walk bravely through the world without demanding genuflection from women. Get the T out of LG (and maybe B) now!


  5. This is a disgusting piece. How vile and hurtful.


  6. damn good point, Ann Tagonist: if any of the men who put their dick in me told me their were now ‘women’ I would not agree, and it would be weird and creepy. Males are men. end scene


  7. Thankyou for standing up for women. The idea that women are defending the feels of this creep and ignoring the women they have abused and damaged in their “journey” revolts me. These men are not deserving of our sympathy or support. These men destroy women and are destroying feminism from within. They can take their creepy asses and their boners at getting “validation” through being accepted as being “one of the girls” out of women’s spaces and back to whatever pornsick sewer they hatched their idea of being a “woman” in. HE doesnt have 13 kids. HIS wife did. He’s laughing at all the women he thinks he’s fooled . What kind of internalised misogyny does it take to support that???


  8. I’ve seen his posts somewhere else on the web related to the discussions about why poor twanz peeps aren’t welcomed into female spaces…wish I could remember where it was because it was pretty interesting watching him drone on and on and on about ‘how accepted’ he was and the leadership positions he was taking. Translated…females humored his delusions and now he is taking advantage of that by shoving them aside to show them how the men do things.

    And THAT, ‘anon’ is ‘vile and hurtful.’

    The only thing missing from his picture is the ever-so-trans’esque clutching of the pearls…


  9. Did his name used to be Davey Mary?


    • He went by Mary Thewlis before he was Mary Davey. Dave Thewlis maybe? It’s very interesting that he’s come from a patriarchal Christian cult and he’s chosen the name Mary. Like he wants to be the Divine Mother.


  10. Disgusting. Keep naming it Sister! And they’ve been professional football players, green berets, navy Seals, Ceo’s, computer nerds, owners of construction companies and other forms of primarily M ALE power positions wielding that power in a way very few women get to..or in a powerful position over a woman in a patriarchal cult where his maleness is worshipped….


  11. Thought you might be interested to know that he is talking about you in a group I am a member of:
    Mary Davey An interesting example of intersectionality in action –
    or not. I joined a women only group, and after I had posted some
    very personal information one of the members started a flame war, then
    screen grabbed my posts and published them on a site which identifies
    itself as hate speech.
    Mary Davey Thank you Rosa. I’m OK but I’m hoping the group she
    represents confines itself to trolling and libel. That is as opposed to
    physical attacks. The woman in question does appear to live quite a way
    north of here.


  12. So he impregnated a woman 13 times. Tries to take credit for her pregnancies and motherhood and then tries to make it out like he’s the victim of her not being understanding enough. She was his fucking broodmare for years kept in a state of perpetual pregnancy and he expects her to be understanding when he wants to appropriate HER life from her? Fuck him and fuck anyone who defends men like this.


  13. Men think pregnancy is so benign a medical condition that we’re not even supposed to take fucking credit for it.


  14. God this man is revolting. Men RISK NOTHING in reproduction, NOTHING! They are worse than useless. Giving birth is incredibly risky for all mammals and worst for humans because of our bipedalism. Our bodies are not ‘designed’ for childbirth as some patriarchs claim. Evolution is a trade off, far from perfect. In examining the skeleton of a woman who has delivered children, one can usually see scarring on the pubic symphysis from this process.

    In most births, the baby’s head is larger than the birth canal. It’s not laughing matter, not something that should be common and forced on to every woman as it is in patriarchy. Of course one of the gears of patriarchy is minimizing and mocking reproductive pain as this man ‘Mary’ does.

    This man is literally a rapist, bio-terrorist who gets off by mocking the woman he forced into so many pregnancies. She risked her life 13 times plus pregnancy itself can be very dangerous and uncomfortable.

    He writes as if he is made a victim because of living a ‘very patriarchal’ family life (tell me somewhere it isn’t lol) and probably think bc of liberal ‘kyriarchy’ bullshit this sometimes makes him a victim but the truth is patriarchy universally benefits men.

    So he is bragging to young women he got to terrorize this woman as much as he wanted and that was considered normal.

    He probably feels extra entitled to female space because it sounds like he was allowed in while the woman he was torturing was suffering birth.

    Male presence during birth is incredibly stressful and abusive. It is the male’s heedless terrorism that lead to the woman’s suffering and hurting her internal organs to birth kids that he will only get in the way and hinder every aspect possible of their development.

    Men are perpetual children, they expect their ‘lovers’ aka slaves to also be their free domestic and reproductive slaves and mommies.


  15. I am appalled. But not surprised that young wom-men would prefer to defend a ‘man’ than get to fucking grips with the facts about males who assert they are ‘female’! Men can do as they please call themselves what they like. Chemically alter their physical appearance run the knife to acquire what was mine by deed of FAB. But I donot accept that they are actually ‘female’!
    Radical Feminism is constantly under attack for having the nerve to spot ‘that actually the king has no clothes’. I for one am sick to death of defending the female sex when all some of these wo-men want to do is defend males whose only desire is too destroy and impose a po mo neoliberal agenda on the entire community of womon who have struggled for millennia to make possible the most basic of gains such as for womonkind to be treated as ‘human beings’ it was NOT men who did this work to liberate some of the worlds womon on the contrary most males apposed these gains and in large numbers still do. But if as wo-men you want to delude yourself that a man of 60 + years the father of 13 children who on his own admission dominated womon for years as a declared patriarch., can be accepted by you as a wo-men please do us a favour STOP. Pretending to be feminists. Find another name to label your mis-guided abuse of the Radical Femjnist movement who single handedly made life for 21 st. Century’s Girls to be more bearable and is still doing ground breaking work that you would all throw under the trans-male lurv bus. I say NO!


  16. This, this is sad. I know Mary Davy in real life and she does not deserve to be talked about like this. I’ve been chairing meetings for Oxford Feminist Network for half a year now, meetings in which Mary Davy have attended. I chair meetings strictly and keep tags on talking time and Mary Davy as I know her is respectful in meetings, does not hog talking time and does not demand attention on herself. She is sweet and supportive and have been part of vocal activism against pro-lifers.

    Did you notice how she mentioned that she was part of a christian sect? comming out as trans cost her everything, she didn’t abandon her faith she was cast out, her wife and children are stil part of the sect and couldn’t be in contact with her now even if they wanted for fear of being cast out themselves.

    Mary Davy is brave and honest, she doesn’t lie about the reality of her body or the life she has lived.

    I’m not uncritical to trans, I am a radical feminist and I see many things problematic with the way trans is dealt with in our society. I would like it if there could be more open conversations within feminism about what it is that feels feminine to a man when they say they feel like a woman and I also feel very disturbed by the way people are cutting into and modifyining their bodies to conform to the ideas of what is man and women.

    I see many problems, but honestly, I don’t see how Mary Davy is one of them.


    • Martine, if you were a radical feminist, you’d be spending your time a little more wisely than coming on my blog to cry about how nasty I’ve been to Mary. Do you seriously think someone who fathered thirteen children is a woman just because they’re wearing a bad wig and speaking in a high pitched voice? Did you even read the post? Of course I noticed he was in a religious sect. He was the PATRIARCH in a patriarchal religious sect. Oh noes poor him pass the tissues.


      • I shouldn’t have to show my radfem credentials to make a point online, but I’ve been actively activist against porn and pornography in Norway for 6 years and I mostly do spend my time more wisely, aka actually making a change out in the world.

        What makes somebody a woman? To me this is not the same question as what makes somebody biologically female. Woman is a social construct, it is a rehearsed role and a chosen outwards presentation. This construct was created to keep biological females in check, but it exists outside of it’s intended purpose too. I’ve spent most of my postpubertal life feeling like “woman” was too narrow a scope to encompass how I felt about myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if most biological females have a problem really feeling like women, because part of the idea of woman was always to create a set of ideals that it would be impossible to live up to.

        But non the less, you get some biological females who say they feel like “women” through and through, the whole package, both the whore and the madonna. I’ll never understand completely how this is possible. And so I don’t find it too strange if some feminine, sensual men have an experience of feeling like women too.

        Of course if you conflate the idea of woman with the biological reality (and I don’t have a problem with this as I can understand it well) then it becomes impossible to accept the experience of those that refer to themselves as trans women.

        I guess I have a slight problem with understanding what upset you about Mary in the first place. You knew that the facebook the group was “open to anyone who claims to experience oppression based on the fact that they identify as a woman”, did you really not realise that this meant that they would welcome the experiences of trans women? Why did you even bother being part of that group if segregation is so important to you? There are after all lots of similar groups out there for women born women where you could expect to be more comfortable. Mary Davy had every reason to believe that it would be okay to post there, she didn’t break the rules.

        I don’t know what kind of position Mary had within the sect, but I’m somewhat familiar with the sect and I don’t think having 12 children would land you any special position within the hierarchy.


      • What makes someone a woman? They’re a female human being. That’s pretty much the extent of it. Mary is not a female human being.

        I have to ask you again if you read my post the whole way through because I think I’m pretty clear about why I was upset with what Mary said. I’m a lesbian feminist. Men’s feelings do not come into my political scope at all. My concern is with women’s actual lives and there’s a woman behind Mary who’s life was destroyed because the man she married decided he needed dresses and make up instead of her and their twelve living children. Mary is a symbol. This is not so much about Mary as it is about every woman who’s life has been ruined by a man like this. The women who are not allowed to speak about their experiences without being called intolerant or bigoted.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m not sure you’re understanding me. I don’t give a shit about Mary. Not one iota of shit.

        I attempted to bring up my issues within the group and I was called a transphobic bigot. This is why I wrote the post. You would have known this had you read it. I’m going to ask you to stop commenting here now. You don’t get to come on to my blog and say I’m vile. Fuck you.


  17. That is nothing more than your sick pervert, who could one day wind up on sex offender registry. He needs to be booted from women’s only groups


  18. ‘Mary’ and wife convert to a strongly patriarchal, no contraception, no divorce sect 9 years into their marriage (if I’m reading that ‘explanation’ right – I suspect Mormonism, but most Mormons don’t practice the no contraception guideline, even if they still have statistically more kids than the rest of the pop.). I’m sure his new liberal Christian friends are much more accepting, meanwhile I wonder if his poor wife is still languishing in the cult. Religion (any centred around male god/s) is a perfect for grooming women and a powerful enforcement tool for patriarchy.

    I doubt it’s a coincidence that he chose the name Mary.


  19. Well, fuck me sideways! Yet another tranny from the tech-geek-o-sphere.

    Just discovered your blog, and it was all I could do to hold my vomit while reading this. I was especially disgusted by the handmaidens’ call to arms. I’m so sick of those traitors. It’s getting to the point where I’m actually hearing more misogynistic comments from women like that than the fucking men! I’m starting to not give a shit anymore because there are too many idiots who will buy whatever lies that the dudes sell them. The percentage of women who “get it” is too small to really make a difference one way or another.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. “I defy any of you to look me in the eye and tell me you’d accept a man who fucked you as a woman. What about a man who raped you?”

    This is an interesting challenge in light of the recent Dana McCallum case.

    He (a “male lesbian”), has been charged with raping his wife–with his womanly penis, of course! But his wife, his accuser, is defending his gender identity in public (on Twitter), against the “transphobic” people who are “misgendering” him. Yes, she is insisting that her male rapist is, indeed, a woman.

    It’s so painful to watch her do this. But I think this extreme case illustrates that some type of Stockholm Syndrome is involved when women defend these sick and dangerous men against supposed transphobia.


  21. His poor ex-wife. What horror she has endured at the hands of the patriarchy giving birth to 13 children and losing one born alive. This man was not harmed by being Catholic; his wife was. How can a man be harmed by fucking a woman a lot and not using contraception? HE CAN’T. That’s why men shall not be the face of feminism, because they don’t fucking get it. That poor woman, and he’s so fucking smug about “having” 12 children and still having a “good figure”. What an insensitive, abusive, piece of shit. When a woman has had 13 children (YES SHE HAD 13 CHILDREN, ONE OF THEM FUCKING DIED IN HER ARMS), the man is not allowed to take credit in any way for those children. You fucked your wife, she became pregnant and gave birth to a child. You are the co-parent of the child, but you did not “have” the child. He is treating his wife like a nameless surrogate womb that he takes credit for on her behalf, ignoring her womanhood, ignoring her pain, trivializing her biological experiences as a woman and by proxy, insulting all women. He is silencing his wife and living vicariously through her… I can’t… I just can’t today.


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